Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Grumbles and gripes!

I was so excited that a friend of mine came yesterday late afternoon to spend the evening and then leave for home this morning.  It was great to have company.  I planned for this, and thought I would have the rest of the day to work... (Which means 'writing'.)  It was one interruption after another, and most of those conversations start out with, "I knew I could call you since you don't work!"  Writing IS work.  It is very frustrating when someone calls, says that, and then laughs when you try to explain that you are, indeed, busy working.  People in general have no respect for a person who works at home as I do.  If they need a babysitter, or someone to run an errand, or just to listen to a list of complaints, they think it is okay to turn to Joannie... because "she doesn't WORK!"  I wish I had an jpeg of someone crossing their eyes.  Now, sometimes the calls are necessary, and I always want family to call me when they want to.  That is different.  But, I hate those calls telling me I've won something, or I need to donate to this or that... and I have my cell phone turned off because I am still getting calls for someone else who had this number before I did... even though Verizon promised me it was a brand new number... Really???  I hope that if they get my voice mail a few times they will realize that someone else didn't think enough of them to give them their new cell number.  In the meantime, can I spank Verizon for lying to me???

I am presently unspankable; therefore, life in general is making me more irritable than normal.  I know that Lar is concerned I am going to implode.  I know why I am so upset, and I can't do a darn thing about it without taking a son-in-law to the woodshed for a good whippin'.  Lar doesn't want us to interfere in their marriage; basically I agree with that, but when Chris' selfish behavior is affecting the entire family, I can't keep quiet.  Lar and I talked about it today when he called to check on my back (Testing my spankability, I am sure...) and he agreed with my brother and I and said he had my back.  So, I drew a line in the sand.  I just said that either he rides in the van with all of us to Chicago or he stays home.  When you are supposed to be with the family, then you adapt to what is being planned.  I am not going to finance his driving his own car, while we take the grandkids.  He is making it clear that he will come IF he doesn't have to be with us.  I explained it carefully to Chrissy today, and she said, "Well, Mom, you need to call Chris and tell him all of this."  I agreed,  I called at 2:30 and he has not called me back yet!!!  Does that tell you something?  It tells me that he can't talk to me on the telephone... much less spend time with us on this trip.  Chrissy called to find out what he said when I talked to him.  I said, "He hasn't called me back, honey.  Just like normal.  He wants nothing to do with us."  He wants to keep Chrissy from having fun with us.  He wants to drive separate so he keeps her to himself.  In Chicago he will refuse to participate with what the group wants to do.  This is not new with him.  We've taken them to the fair... They go their own way and we have the little ones.  I don't know why Chrissy can't see this.  If anyone has ideas, please let me know.  It isn't about this trip,  It is about anything that requires him to be a family member.  The 'joke' here is: "How sick will Chris be this holiday?"  Yes, I told Chrissy my feelings were hurt.  I know she was upset by his behavior... I just want Chrissy to come and have fun, and she won't if he comes, too.  She'll be too busy making excuses for him.  She apologized for his not answering his phone and for his not calling me back.  Saying 'sorry' isn't always enough, and those of you practicing DD know what I mean.  The rest of us want to go and celebrate Nick's graduation, have a great party for him, and then have fun while we are there.

To pleasant stuff.  I love love love writing stories.  What a way to make a living.  I have a current story on Woodshed that I really love, and I am already thinking of doing another story about one of Nettie's brothers.  She has ten of them, and her two older ones are married and spank their wives in this book.  Anyway, this book is so much fun to write, and I love Nettie's family, whose last name I cannot begin to pronounce. LOLOL  Another favorite of mine is due to be released on Blushing Books this weekend.  It's called Emily, and it is a follow-up to Lucinda.  If you haven't read Lucinda, you will want to do so before reading Emily.

Okay, I'm done fussin' now, and maybe tomorrow's blog post will be a bit nicer.  At least I hope so.

Joannie (who is still plenty feisty)

Monday, May 6, 2013

The Garden is Planted

We took two days to plant three 'square foot' gardens. (For those who do not know, a square foot garden is usually small, and you plant a lot of stuff in a small space. They are built from wood, and filled with soil. We have three of them.) Lar and I used to do a huge garden without so much as blinking.  Our two grandkids came to help, and it does take a little longer to allow children to learn to do things we grew up doing, but we had fun together, and we are making memories with them.  Ooodles of fun.  I think the funnest part, however, was handing Lar eggplant plants to put in the garden.  He still doesn't know he planted those, but the children and I had a lot of fun snickering behind his back.  There are very few things my husband won't eat; eggplant is one of those things.  Still, I felt it was worth risking his ire so Gabe and Renee could see how it grows.  I thought sure he would catch me in the act because his mother had a lot of eggplant in her garden every year... but, I'm safe for a while. lol We also added brussels sprouts to the inventory.  We did celery one year, and I was amazed by the way it grew.  So were the children.

The best part of gardening was that we ate out almost all weekend.  Lar embarrassed me (I know, hard to believe!) at one place.  The kids were trying to give me dessert, and I was trying to politely say 'no'.  Finally, Lar looked over at Gabe and said, "If Gramma eats that I'll spank her!"  Of course, my grandson, who is a little HOH in the making, gave this laugh and nodded a bit too eagerly.  Renee looked at her Grampa in horror. "Grampa!  Gramma is too old for that!"  That made Lar laugh out loud, drawing even more attention.  

One DD issue that has been giving me a terrible time lately is  'obedience'.  Lar and I normally agree on most things.  It's so easy to accept his being the HOH and his having the last say when I agree with him, but it is so much more difficult when you do not agree.  I am more confrontational than he is.  I have a temper, and people do make me angry at times.  Lar has a temper, but it is situations and things (especially fixing cars) that make him angry, rarely people.  So, translating all of that into the situation, I would like to give someone a royal set-down, and he forbids it.  I am biting my tongue constantly, and let's face it... With my temper it is a matter of time before I blow...  That said, obedience is one of the more difficult aspects of DD.  One of my friends says it best... He says he doesn't wish to micromanage his family.  His wife has things she is best at, and he trusts her to handle those things.  There are things he is best at, and he assumes that role.  But, when he needs to step in and makes a decision, it is final, right or wrong.  Lar and I were married for a long time before we started this lifestyle.  Our lines were set. Rarely do we disagree, but once in a while that NO is issued, or sometimes it is a YES when I don't want to comply... and it is so hard to do what I basically believe in.  I'll also add that going ahead with something after a NO is given is punishable.  It doesn't happen too often, but there are times it is human to clash.  That is when it helps to have someone to talk to who understands and lives this lifestyle, too.

I am having guests tomorrow night, and I have a lot to get done between now and then.  You all have a wonderful day.


Friday, May 3, 2013

I cannot believe it is May already!

May...!?!  I honestly don't know how it got here so quickly.  I feel terrible for those people still getting snow, but I have to say that I'm happy we are having a beautiful spring here.  I have windows and doors open, and it feels great to 'air out' the house.

I guess I should report that my eye appointment went well.  It wasn't comfortable because the doctor was in my personal space, but easier because I knew him from treating my Mama.  He also remembered her, and I was touched.  My eyes are good, no sign of diabetes in them, so I feel fortunate.  What I do have is called "Dry eyes".  He is treating it agressively, and I am doing my part and following instructions.  He said they wouldn't improve overnight, but when I go back in a couple of weeks, I should have some improvement.  Thank you for the emails and words of encouragement.  It did help, believe me.

Lar had yard work he wanted to get done last Saturday, in spite of my calling dibs on his time.  I told him I would start upstairs and if he wasn't tired when he got done with his stuff, he could give me a hand.  I had a lot done by the time he came upstairs, and he complained a while later and asked, "Woman, do you ever take breaks?"  I told him we could take a large break when we got finished.  Geesh.  We only had about ten minutes left to be done!

I really don't have anything DD-ish to write about today, except for the fact that I saw a woman in the store yesterday who needed a good spanking.  She was in one bitchy mood and taking it out on her little ones and anyone unfortunate enough to get in her way.  She was leaving the parking lot when I was loading my groceries into my car, and she nearly ran down an older man who could barely move fast enough to get out of her way.  I don't think she had to be somewhere.... She was just having a tantrum.  I know that 'out of control' feeling. 

When I was younger, even before Lar and I were married, I went through times where I felt sooooo out of control... the difference...?  I instinctively knew what I needed.  As I've shared many times before, Lar spanked before we married... and after. At the time I didn't realize I was pushing him to the point he was spanking in anger.  Then he felt so much guilt for spanking me that he didn't realize I was 'human' again.  He told me years later that he always expected me to leave him, and he was shocked when I treated him 'nice'.  Well, Lar dear, I am wired this way.  He knows that now...

I still feel that 'out of control' feeling at times, especially if it's been too long between spankings.  What I haven't convinced Lar of is that what he calls a 'stress relief' spanking does nothing for this overwhelming need.  Then I need a spanking that is more like a real punishment.  Lar always says that he needs to have a bit of 'temper' to carry out a punishment spanking.  I can remember trying to discuss this issue with him one time, and since I was feeling 'out of control', I assured him that I could spark his temper if he really wanted me to.  I didn't say it that nicely either, and I think I threw something at him, too.  Something I was folding.  I think I got a spanking then...  Yes, I am not perfect, but that was several years ago.  Now I am boring, and I cannot have that.  Of course, if I keep hiring a neighbor to mow our grass, Lar is going to blow a gasket.  I'm trying to be nice to Lar, but he really doesn't appreciate the fact I am paying someone to do what he can do himself.  He wants to plant our garden tomorrow, and I decided that was enough to do without mowing added to the mix.  I am pleased that Lar is trying to cut back a bit on the hours he's been working; he is trying to convince himself to retire.  A dear friend of ours told me last night, "Larry is just like his mother; always running and working and doing something.  What will he do with himself if he retires?" 


Thursday, April 25, 2013

Unpleasant Things

Unpleasant things... We all have things we must do every day that just plain are not pleasant.  Today's bit of unpleasantness is going for an eye exam.  This isn't the normal kind, where you end up spending too much for brand new glasses that you will live with for some time to come *gasp*! No, this is the kind where you pray that they tell you your eyes are completely fine.  I went through a spell of extremely blurry vision a few weeks ago, and I made the appointment with Mama's old specialist (No, the specialist isn't OLD; my wording was off, but you know what I mean is...).  My vision cleared up somewhat once the diabetes was under control again... but when I mentioned cancelling, the HOH in the house got all HOHy and said, "Go!"  Well, I don't wanna go, but I remember a time a few years ago that said HOH handled a "no" of mine quite firmly when it came to going to the doctor.  I've learned it is much easier to just go and get it over with than it is to go with an extremely sore butt to sit on while being examined.  So, when I heard the, "Go!" I decided to try and make the best of it.  I asked my brother to take me because they will dilate my eyes, and since my eyes have been weird lately, I thought it best to have a driver.  He has oodles of time built up that he can take off, and Lar needs to be at work (according to his boss).  So, Paul is driving me.  We decided to eat lunch after going to the ophthalmologist. And, we have a couple of other fun errands to do.  But, for the record, I find the eye part of the day unpleasant.....

No, my rings aren't found yet, but I haven't been searching, either.  My next area of search is the 'kids' room upstairs.  We are having guests soon, and I will need that bedroom, too, and it is a mess.  I try to clean clean that room a couple of times a year anyway.  My grands are growing up, and I have too many toys here that they no longer play with.  Some other children could be enjoying these things.  Lar is home Saturday (yes, shocking, I know!); soooo, I am planning to tackle that room then.  Noooo, of course it's not a bit of payback for his HOHiness in insisting I go today.  I wouldn't even consider doing something like that... but, I will get it done quicker with his lightning quick help. Seriously. (He probably has his own agenda for the day, which means we'll work on the yard and the garden... but, I'll call it first. WEG  Gardening is fun; cleaning is work....)  I am hoping to find my rings and a couple of other things hiding in that room.

On the serious side of things, I need to have a very serious talk with my daughter, and I need to tell her some things that are going to make her upset and angry.  I told Lar about this, and he's warned me that I need to stay calm and not let her temper upset me.  That's sort of like asking gasoline not to flare when someone holds a match to it...  But, I know that he is right.  I need to stay calm to discuss this with her, and pray that I can find the right words.  My MIL used to have a saying, "Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems." 

Hope you all have a wonderful day. I still don't wanna go, but I guess I'm beyond the throwing myself down on the floor and having a tantrum...?


Saturday, April 20, 2013

I've lost my rings...

... And don't know where to find them! I don't want to tell Lar, either.  The last time they came up missing was about twenty-five years ago.  My daughter thought they were pretty, and took them out to our chicken coop to play with.  She lost them.  Larry had to get a co-worker to come out with a metal detector to find them.  It has been suggested that my granddaughter might know something about the missing rings.  I already thought of that and I called her last evening.  She denied any knowledge of my rings.  Of course, her Mom was listening to every word she said.  I'm sure she put me on speaker.  It would never cross Christina's mind to tell her story about my rings... but I intend to remind her that she wasn't punished when she lost them, and Nee won't be, either, not unless Chrissy wants me to sic Lar on her!  But, I am assuming that Renee has taken them... and they could simply be lost through my own fault.  My biggest fear is that Lar will think I 'lost' them on purpose.  Last year I wanted to get new bands for our 40th anniversary, but my 'romantic' husband said, "What for?  We already have rings!" Now, all I wanted was nice bands.  His original band doesn't fit now, and I just wanted to celebrate that anniversary in a special way.  Here it is, two days from number 41... and he'll find it suspicious.  Then again, he might want to talk to Nee, too.  Trust me, he might have been provoked with our daughter when she took my rings, and scolded just a bit and talked about taking things that don't belong to you, but Nee won't even get that... not from Grampa. LOL

On a different note, our son is home from Chicago this weekend.  He brought his partner with him, and Lar met him for the first time.  Unfortunately, his name is Christopher.  Our daughter is Christina, who is married to Chris.  It is crazy keeping them all straight. LOL  We do like Christopher, and Lar told me last night that he thinks Christopher is really nice.  I'd forgotten how much food young men eat in one sitting, but oh my, there weren't too many leftovers.  Yes, they ate on the way here. 

Tonight we are all going to our Magic Club's banquet.  Paul and I made the table decorations last night.  I just couldn't find time during the week to get them done, so my brother felt he needed to stay until after midnight to make sure things got finished in time to dry. LOL  We made top hats out of foam sheets and we made magic wands out of dowels.  I put a satin ribbon band on the hats this morning, and put two small playing cards in the band.  They aren't perfect, but they turned out well enough I won't be ashamed to put them on the tables.  I'm not a magician magician.  I participate in the club, and do a trick at the meetings... but my real strength is the behind the scenes stuff.

No kind of spanking going on.  I think Lar was tempted the other evening when I snapped at him, but he bit his tongue, and once he realized I wasn't really upset with him, he calmed down, and went into 'problem solver' mode.  I like that he always wants to help if he can.  Listening and communicating are so darn important in a marriage.  And sometimes 'listening' to what is behind the actions is very important.  I was raised in a home where it was considered weak to cry and say you were hurt or upset.  However, losing your temper was acceptable, and preferable, to tears.  So, even though I try really hard to control my temper, a burst of it will shine through when I least expect it.  Lar 'listens' to that, and knows it means that something is going on inside me.  He will draw that out of me, and I find it most helpful in dealing with whatever has me snarling and snapping at him.  AND, saying "I'm sorry"is important.  I try to let him know that I realize I was awful to act like a testy brat.   (Lar is awake, hours earlier than I thought he would be... time to do another search for my rings.)

Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Reflections when I am not able to sleep....

DD isn't just about the spanking... or is it?  I mean, I do think we reach a point where it becomes more important to do what is expected of us, more a matter of pride not to earn a punishment; right?  It has become that for Lar and I.  But, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the old 'me'; the one who picked up something and threw it because Lar was less than thrilled with what I fixed to eat... and hit a huge mirror that was a gift from a relative of his that I am sure hated us both or she would have found something other than that huge, UGLY mirror to give us for a wedding gift! Yes, that was before our DD days... way before... but I did get a spanking for having a tantrum.  Lar had to throw away our food since the shards of glass were in our food... and everywhere else in that small kitchen, and he cleaned up the entire mess while I was sitting on our bed fuming because he picked me up and carried me in there and told me not to move off of the bed, or else!!!  (I was on crutches at the time; broken ankle... and very irritable.)  Yes, it was a pretty heated scene... and heated bottom.  That first year of marriage was tough, but we survived and learned.  Now as we approach number 41, I rarely throw anything at him!  I don't go off quite as easy as I used to.  Is DD responsible?  Yes.  Is it a good thing?  Of course.  But, is there a part of me that wishes I could break that mirror again? lol  Yeppers. But, I won't.  (Lar did thank me for breaking the darn thing.  He hated it, too. And then he took me out to eat.) 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Happy Sunday Morning

Happy Sunday morning... My brain is looking at the mess surrounding me and asking, can I paint the walls in this living room and managed to put the house back together for Nick and his partner arrive on Friday?  More importantly, I am wondering if I can go and buy the paint tomorrow, and once Lar leaves for work on Tuesday, have the room painted before he gets home that night?  Now, that is the question.

I know that telling my hubby that I want to paint in here again so soon is going to earn a frown.  Perhaps even a NO.  But, the thing is, I don't want to hear a NO, and I don't want to see the frown, either.  Now, admittedly, choosing a new paint color isn't much.  I am married to a man who is color blind, so that isn't the issue.  It isn't about money, either.  He just worries about me taking on too much.  And, THAT is why he would frown and/or say NO.
I was wondering if this sort of 'thing' is common among us DD wives?  If we think we'll get a NO, do we try to work around it someway or that we can get our way?  What are your limits?  What lines do you dare and not dare to cross?

DD isn't meant to be an exercise in figuring out how to get our way, but on learning to communicate and live in harmony.  Granted, a new paint color isn't much, but I wonder how often I do things and then share afterwards?  This is something for thought...