Thursday, April 25, 2013

Unpleasant Things

Unpleasant things... We all have things we must do every day that just plain are not pleasant.  Today's bit of unpleasantness is going for an eye exam.  This isn't the normal kind, where you end up spending too much for brand new glasses that you will live with for some time to come *gasp*! No, this is the kind where you pray that they tell you your eyes are completely fine.  I went through a spell of extremely blurry vision a few weeks ago, and I made the appointment with Mama's old specialist (No, the specialist isn't OLD; my wording was off, but you know what I mean is...).  My vision cleared up somewhat once the diabetes was under control again... but when I mentioned cancelling, the HOH in the house got all HOHy and said, "Go!"  Well, I don't wanna go, but I remember a time a few years ago that said HOH handled a "no" of mine quite firmly when it came to going to the doctor.  I've learned it is much easier to just go and get it over with than it is to go with an extremely sore butt to sit on while being examined.  So, when I heard the, "Go!" I decided to try and make the best of it.  I asked my brother to take me because they will dilate my eyes, and since my eyes have been weird lately, I thought it best to have a driver.  He has oodles of time built up that he can take off, and Lar needs to be at work (according to his boss).  So, Paul is driving me.  We decided to eat lunch after going to the ophthalmologist. And, we have a couple of other fun errands to do.  But, for the record, I find the eye part of the day unpleasant.....

No, my rings aren't found yet, but I haven't been searching, either.  My next area of search is the 'kids' room upstairs.  We are having guests soon, and I will need that bedroom, too, and it is a mess.  I try to clean clean that room a couple of times a year anyway.  My grands are growing up, and I have too many toys here that they no longer play with.  Some other children could be enjoying these things.  Lar is home Saturday (yes, shocking, I know!); soooo, I am planning to tackle that room then.  Noooo, of course it's not a bit of payback for his HOHiness in insisting I go today.  I wouldn't even consider doing something like that... but, I will get it done quicker with his lightning quick help. Seriously. (He probably has his own agenda for the day, which means we'll work on the yard and the garden... but, I'll call it first. WEG  Gardening is fun; cleaning is work....)  I am hoping to find my rings and a couple of other things hiding in that room.

On the serious side of things, I need to have a very serious talk with my daughter, and I need to tell her some things that are going to make her upset and angry.  I told Lar about this, and he's warned me that I need to stay calm and not let her temper upset me.  That's sort of like asking gasoline not to flare when someone holds a match to it...  But, I know that he is right.  I need to stay calm to discuss this with her, and pray that I can find the right words.  My MIL used to have a saying, "Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems." 

Hope you all have a wonderful day. I still don't wanna go, but I guess I'm beyond the throwing myself down on the floor and having a tantrum...?


Saturday, April 20, 2013

I've lost my rings...

... And don't know where to find them! I don't want to tell Lar, either.  The last time they came up missing was about twenty-five years ago.  My daughter thought they were pretty, and took them out to our chicken coop to play with.  She lost them.  Larry had to get a co-worker to come out with a metal detector to find them.  It has been suggested that my granddaughter might know something about the missing rings.  I already thought of that and I called her last evening.  She denied any knowledge of my rings.  Of course, her Mom was listening to every word she said.  I'm sure she put me on speaker.  It would never cross Christina's mind to tell her story about my rings... but I intend to remind her that she wasn't punished when she lost them, and Nee won't be, either, not unless Chrissy wants me to sic Lar on her!  But, I am assuming that Renee has taken them... and they could simply be lost through my own fault.  My biggest fear is that Lar will think I 'lost' them on purpose.  Last year I wanted to get new bands for our 40th anniversary, but my 'romantic' husband said, "What for?  We already have rings!" Now, all I wanted was nice bands.  His original band doesn't fit now, and I just wanted to celebrate that anniversary in a special way.  Here it is, two days from number 41... and he'll find it suspicious.  Then again, he might want to talk to Nee, too.  Trust me, he might have been provoked with our daughter when she took my rings, and scolded just a bit and talked about taking things that don't belong to you, but Nee won't even get that... not from Grampa. LOL

On a different note, our son is home from Chicago this weekend.  He brought his partner with him, and Lar met him for the first time.  Unfortunately, his name is Christopher.  Our daughter is Christina, who is married to Chris.  It is crazy keeping them all straight. LOL  We do like Christopher, and Lar told me last night that he thinks Christopher is really nice.  I'd forgotten how much food young men eat in one sitting, but oh my, there weren't too many leftovers.  Yes, they ate on the way here. 

Tonight we are all going to our Magic Club's banquet.  Paul and I made the table decorations last night.  I just couldn't find time during the week to get them done, so my brother felt he needed to stay until after midnight to make sure things got finished in time to dry. LOL  We made top hats out of foam sheets and we made magic wands out of dowels.  I put a satin ribbon band on the hats this morning, and put two small playing cards in the band.  They aren't perfect, but they turned out well enough I won't be ashamed to put them on the tables.  I'm not a magician magician.  I participate in the club, and do a trick at the meetings... but my real strength is the behind the scenes stuff.

No kind of spanking going on.  I think Lar was tempted the other evening when I snapped at him, but he bit his tongue, and once he realized I wasn't really upset with him, he calmed down, and went into 'problem solver' mode.  I like that he always wants to help if he can.  Listening and communicating are so darn important in a marriage.  And sometimes 'listening' to what is behind the actions is very important.  I was raised in a home where it was considered weak to cry and say you were hurt or upset.  However, losing your temper was acceptable, and preferable, to tears.  So, even though I try really hard to control my temper, a burst of it will shine through when I least expect it.  Lar 'listens' to that, and knows it means that something is going on inside me.  He will draw that out of me, and I find it most helpful in dealing with whatever has me snarling and snapping at him.  AND, saying "I'm sorry"is important.  I try to let him know that I realize I was awful to act like a testy brat.   (Lar is awake, hours earlier than I thought he would be... time to do another search for my rings.)

Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Reflections when I am not able to sleep....

DD isn't just about the spanking... or is it?  I mean, I do think we reach a point where it becomes more important to do what is expected of us, more a matter of pride not to earn a punishment; right?  It has become that for Lar and I.  But, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the old 'me'; the one who picked up something and threw it because Lar was less than thrilled with what I fixed to eat... and hit a huge mirror that was a gift from a relative of his that I am sure hated us both or she would have found something other than that huge, UGLY mirror to give us for a wedding gift! Yes, that was before our DD days... way before... but I did get a spanking for having a tantrum.  Lar had to throw away our food since the shards of glass were in our food... and everywhere else in that small kitchen, and he cleaned up the entire mess while I was sitting on our bed fuming because he picked me up and carried me in there and told me not to move off of the bed, or else!!!  (I was on crutches at the time; broken ankle... and very irritable.)  Yes, it was a pretty heated scene... and heated bottom.  That first year of marriage was tough, but we survived and learned.  Now as we approach number 41, I rarely throw anything at him!  I don't go off quite as easy as I used to.  Is DD responsible?  Yes.  Is it a good thing?  Of course.  But, is there a part of me that wishes I could break that mirror again? lol  Yeppers. But, I won't.  (Lar did thank me for breaking the darn thing.  He hated it, too. And then he took me out to eat.) 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Happy Sunday Morning

Happy Sunday morning... My brain is looking at the mess surrounding me and asking, can I paint the walls in this living room and managed to put the house back together for Nick and his partner arrive on Friday?  More importantly, I am wondering if I can go and buy the paint tomorrow, and once Lar leaves for work on Tuesday, have the room painted before he gets home that night?  Now, that is the question.

I know that telling my hubby that I want to paint in here again so soon is going to earn a frown.  Perhaps even a NO.  But, the thing is, I don't want to hear a NO, and I don't want to see the frown, either.  Now, admittedly, choosing a new paint color isn't much.  I am married to a man who is color blind, so that isn't the issue.  It isn't about money, either.  He just worries about me taking on too much.  And, THAT is why he would frown and/or say NO.
I was wondering if this sort of 'thing' is common among us DD wives?  If we think we'll get a NO, do we try to work around it someway or that we can get our way?  What are your limits?  What lines do you dare and not dare to cross?

DD isn't meant to be an exercise in figuring out how to get our way, but on learning to communicate and live in harmony.  Granted, a new paint color isn't much, but I wonder how often I do things and then share afterwards?  This is something for thought...



Friday, April 12, 2013

I worked on writing all day today, and it was one of those days when the words simply flew through my fingers and on the screen.  Fun.  But, it made me question something, and I hope that those of you who read here will answer...

What kinds of spankings do you enjoy reading most?  Sweet ones, mild spanking, maybe over clothing? (As in westerns when modesty was a huge issue with most people.)  Or do you prefer the harsher spankings, bare bottom, and say a switch or a paddle, belt???  I write both, but sometimes I wonder what readers think.  The couple I was writing about today... They were in a schoolroom... she is the teacher, and she lost her temper with one of her pupil's father.  He tossed up her skirts, but left her drawers in place.  I'm not even sure that would have happened in reality, not with a bunch of kids outside at recess... but it fit into the story, and well, I am a spanko... I wanted to write that scene. LOL

In reality, I would just die if Lar were to spank me like that and there was a chance of being discovered.  It did happen once.  We were visiting friends, but I had one more night of a punishment coming.  Lar packed a cane since it is quiet, but it was definitely overheard... and I was asked about it the next day.  Talk about embarrassed!!!


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Today was an emotional day for Lar and I.  We buried a dear friend who lost a nearly three year battle with cancer.  He was a great Granger, and he and his wife exemplified everything that is good in a marriage.  Lar and I looked up to them for over forty years, and they were our role models, and they were full of wisdom.

The thing that I will remember about them is that I never once heard them say anything disrespectful of or to each other.  Oh, I'm sure they had their differences; what married couple doesn't?  But, the love was always present and foremost in the way they spoke to each other and the way they looked at each other, and in the smiles they shared.

They were truly in sync with each other.  They finished each other's sentences, helped each other, and you knew that you were getting the truth when they spoke to you about anything.  Did they live a DD lifestyle?  I don't know; I do know that they loved each other, respected each other, trusted each other, and they communicated with each other.  I don't think the words 'domestic discipline' were known to them when they were first married sixty-four years ago, but while she always spoke her mind, he was the one who had the final say in how things were done.

They have given us an example to live up to.  Rest in peace, dear friend.


Monday, April 8, 2013

Good morning.  I just had my plans for my day turned upside down, and while I am mentally regrouping and getting into 'writer mode', I thought it would be a good time to make today's post.  And, I'm going to change the topic I planned to write about today, to the one on my mind right now!

I was going to run errands for my dear husband, who took off this morning with his driver's license... Now, no, that is not unusual, but I needed to take it and a certified copy of his birth certificate to the Social Security office.  The man has been 'fighting' me tooth and nail about filling out the forms that all of us need to fill out when we reach the wonderful age of sixty-five.  He simply refuses to accept change in his life, and the idea of retiring is repugnant to him.  I would simply say, "Go for it!"... IF he wasn't working sixty to seventy hours a week.  I would not worry so much if he would cut back to forty hours and not work six or seven days a week.  He is exhausted all the time...  Okay, that is the background.

A few years ago I would have lost it when I realized my plans for the day were ruined when he didn't cooperate and leave his license here.  After all, I am giving up MY time to do this FOR him, and I would have felt sorely unappreciated! I would have had a fit, said harsh and angry words to him, and I would be mad until he teased me out of it, or did something special to 'fix' things.  That was before DD.

To me, one of the major benefits of living this lifestyle is learning to control the temper that was so destructive during the first twenty-seven years of our marriage.  Oh, early on, before children entered into the picture, Lar would take so much of my witchiness, until HE was angry, and then he would spank.  It had a calming affect on me, but then he suffered with guilt because he 'hit a woman', someone he loved and would protect with his life.  I was soooo unaware of his feelings, or I could and would have reassured him and begged him to continue being that stern man.  Even then I desired this lifestyle, and I sometimes wonder if I wasn't acting out so much to try and provoke him to spank me.  I also felt like this need was my dirty, dark secret, and I guarded it religiously.  I was afraid for anyone, especially Lar, to find out about my secret because I just knew I had to be mentally ill to think such things.  Secretly I was thrilled when he spanked.  It worked, and I was always so disappointed that he didn't 'get it'.

It wasn't until my brother gave me his old computer and I got online and typed in that magic word "Spanking" and so many sites came up that I learned there were others like me!  I was shocked, and I was relieved, but I was still afraid to tell Lar.

Things came to a head one day, and if you've read my Laurel and Joseph books, you know the story... I thought there was nothing to lose, and I told Lar I wanted a DD lifestyle; that I wanted to be accountable.  He agreed and an S/O or HOH was born.  I know he was shocked to realize how quickly a spanking would bring a tantrum to an end.  We have dealt with a lot of issues in fourteen years, and while I am certainly not perfect, I am not an out of control wife any longer.

So, instead of flying into a rage at having my plans changed, I am going to use the time to work on a story, clean out the fridge, and fix a special dinner for Lar.  And, I won't let it wreck the beginning of this week.  DD does have many benefits, and I am positive that Lar is at work, smiling and very pleased that the temper he was expecting didn't happen.  This change didn't happen over night, and fourteen years ago, it would have been a guaranteed sore butt.  Now it might be a Good Girl spanking instead (especially if I bake a blackberry pie for him). WEG


Sunday, April 7, 2013

Communicating your needs

Good morning to all, I cannot believe it has been a year since I posted here!!!  And then, not much on DD!!!!  So, lets discuss a few things about DD.  As long as I have been moderating a DD forum, and that is going on fourteen years, one thing comes up very often... Doing something deliberately in order to get a spanking.

First of all, don't worry, this is pretty natural, especially if you are the one who is wired this way and your hubby is trying to learn about the lifestyle to make you feel loved and cherished.  I've done it, and so have most of my DD friends.  So, you are in good company. 

The real problem behind this is a lack of communication. We feel we are dropping hints that are huge logs crashing down, when, in reality, they are toothpicks falling on carpet to our S/O's ears! We need to be a bit more direct and find a way to communicate our need in a way that our S/O actually hears us.

Writing a letter (in the old-fashioned way) is a nice touch, and putting it where he will find it a good idea.  Or send an email.  The thing with that, with Big Brother watching all we do these days, do not send an email of this nature to his work email.  The last thing you want to do is endanger his credibility at work, and most companies monitor their employees computers and email account.

You can be creative in this letter and tell him how you are feeling and ask if he will help you to feel less stress, or less guilty about something.  Do not make this letter one of finger-pointing and use the words "You never..."  That is a huge turn-off to most men.  Compliments work much better than criticisms.

Another thing you can do is to write a story, or a scenario, and present it to your S/O.  This idea was shared on my forum by one of our S/O's, and I feel it a good one.  After all, I am a writer, and I do love stories.  This can be truly from your heart.  Here is a sample:

"Honey, I was having naughty thoughts today, and I want to share them with you and perhaps we can act them out later tonight...?":

Once upon a time there was a naughty schoolgirl, and she was sent to the office many times for a scolding.  The principal finally told her that the next time she misbehaved he was going to bend her over his desk for a very serious spanking.  Well, this girl misbehaved almost as soon as she returned to the classroom, and the principal was convinced she needed a sharp lesson.  He scolded for a while, and then instructed her to pull up her skirt and bend over his desk.  Once she was finally in place, after much pleading and arguing that she wouldn't do it again if he gave her another chance, he took out a ruler and spanked her until her remorse was genuine.

Okay, that is a sample.  You may borrow it if I hit your fantasy spanking... Or you may adapt it and make it your own.  Put in an implement that pleases you, and add many details.  I wasn't about to get too steamy on here. lol 

Now, that works if you want to play or you need stress relief, but what if you feel you need a genuine punishment?  The best way is to be direct and say, "Larry, I am feeling guilty for being so disrespectful last night, and I feel I deserve a spanking."  Then listen to what HE has to say.  He might not agree.  He might say that he provoked your anger.  He might tell you that he didn't feel you were disrespectful.  And, shock of all shocks, he might agree with you and then you start trying to back-pedal your way out of a spanking! lol

Communication is important, and as one forum member told me years ago, he needs to hear something several times before he really takes it seriously and to heart.  Don't be afraid to repeat yourself.  Just remember to do it respectfully and with love.  Those S/O's are not mind readers, and if you do have one who can read your mind, you are in serious trouble!