Communicating your needs

Good morning to all, I cannot believe it has been a year since I posted here!!!  And then, not much on DD!!!!  So, lets discuss a few things about DD.  As long as I have been moderating a DD forum, and that is going on fourteen years, one thing comes up very often... Doing something deliberately in order to get a spanking.

First of all, don't worry, this is pretty natural, especially if you are the one who is wired this way and your hubby is trying to learn about the lifestyle to make you feel loved and cherished.  I've done it, and so have most of my DD friends.  So, you are in good company. 

The real problem behind this is a lack of communication. We feel we are dropping hints that are huge logs crashing down, when, in reality, they are toothpicks falling on carpet to our S/O's ears! We need to be a bit more direct and find a way to communicate our need in a way that our S/O actually hears us.

Writing a letter (in the old-fashioned way) is a nice touch, and putting it where he will find it a good idea.  Or send an email.  The thing with that, with Big Brother watching all we do these days, do not send an email of this nature to his work email.  The last thing you want to do is endanger his credibility at work, and most companies monitor their employees computers and email account.

You can be creative in this letter and tell him how you are feeling and ask if he will help you to feel less stress, or less guilty about something.  Do not make this letter one of finger-pointing and use the words "You never..."  That is a huge turn-off to most men.  Compliments work much better than criticisms.

Another thing you can do is to write a story, or a scenario, and present it to your S/O.  This idea was shared on my forum by one of our S/O's, and I feel it a good one.  After all, I am a writer, and I do love stories.  This can be truly from your heart.  Here is a sample:

"Honey, I was having naughty thoughts today, and I want to share them with you and perhaps we can act them out later tonight...?":

Once upon a time there was a naughty schoolgirl, and she was sent to the office many times for a scolding.  The principal finally told her that the next time she misbehaved he was going to bend her over his desk for a very serious spanking.  Well, this girl misbehaved almost as soon as she returned to the classroom, and the principal was convinced she needed a sharp lesson.  He scolded for a while, and then instructed her to pull up her skirt and bend over his desk.  Once she was finally in place, after much pleading and arguing that she wouldn't do it again if he gave her another chance, he took out a ruler and spanked her until her remorse was genuine.

Okay, that is a sample.  You may borrow it if I hit your fantasy spanking... Or you may adapt it and make it your own.  Put in an implement that pleases you, and add many details.  I wasn't about to get too steamy on here. lol 

Now, that works if you want to play or you need stress relief, but what if you feel you need a genuine punishment?  The best way is to be direct and say, "Larry, I am feeling guilty for being so disrespectful last night, and I feel I deserve a spanking."  Then listen to what HE has to say.  He might not agree.  He might say that he provoked your anger.  He might tell you that he didn't feel you were disrespectful.  And, shock of all shocks, he might agree with you and then you start trying to back-pedal your way out of a spanking! lol

Communication is important, and as one forum member told me years ago, he needs to hear something several times before he really takes it seriously and to heart.  Don't be afraid to repeat yourself.  Just remember to do it respectfully and with love.  Those S/O's are not mind readers, and if you do have one who can read your mind, you are in serious trouble!

Love,
Joannie